The Third Goal: Man 13 – Birth Of First Child

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Ideally, the ADULT STAGE begins at age thirteen. The well prepared boy can take excellent care of one person, himself. Given the necessary guidance, the young man is now ready to satisfy the needs of more than one person at a time. Like the other transformations, this one is physical as well as mental and social. His identity will try to reorganize itself and without an older guide, he will end up in a disorganized state. We will look at this in chapter five.

It takes a while to climb the many peaks that separate a self-centered boy from a both-centered man. Adult terrain is where he learns to drive a hard bargain, fair for him and fair for the other. A man looks out for the needs of others as though they were as important as his own. When a man does business, the person he is dealing with gets equal, fair treatment. This stage of development usually takes men into their early twenties. By that time, a man should be able to bargain hard, get a fair deal, not be intimidated by other men, protect others from himself when necessary and take care of a small group to everyone’s satisfaction.

A man wants his effects to reflect his personal character and style. Everything he does must meet this heart-based standard. His adult identity finds its highest challenge in marriage. A man is ready for marriage near the end of the adult stage. By that time he is proficient in sharing life for mutual satisfaction. Because he and she are both adults, they can each take care of themselves and others simultaneously. This kind of partnership is characteristically adult. Sharing life in a way that creates a mutually satisfying story–or imprint on history–brings great joy to adults.

The goal for men is to become a satisfying part of history. A man knows that what he does impacts other people. Therefore he carefully insures that his impact on history (his story) is a good one.

NEEDS